Sexuality

Since there’s all this talk swirling around sexuality right now, perhaps sparked by the release of Brokeback Mountain this month, I’ll jump into the conversation.

I’m a rare and well-kept secret in female sexuality. I’m a heterosexual woman who gets off seeing straight men indulge in homosexual activity (in my fantasies, in person, movies, porn, or porn stories). Yes, you read that right (you may want to read it again, slowly).

This is a very specific sexual interest not to be confused with being a fag hag. I don’t have a thing for gay men. I certainly don’t have anything against gay men, but with regard to my sexual interests they just don’t factor in.

I’m talking about being turned on by straight guys who engage in some homosexual pleasure. I know you’ll understand if I put it to you this way: you know how countless numbers of straight guys (especially young ones) like seeing two hot, straight women get it on? Same thing with me except reverse the sexes.

As with me, guys don’t want to see actual lesbians per se (and they certainly don’t want to see old, butch lesbians get together just like I don’t want to see flamboyant, feminine gay men get together) -- they like to see feminine heterosexual women engaging in lesbian acts the same way I like to see masculine heterosexual men engage in gay acts. For me, there’s just nothing hotter.

Coincidentally, my best friend (female) likes the same thing so I know I’m not the only girl out there who gets off on this. And while I admit it’s pretty rare (because most women seem to be just as disgusted by men have sex with each other as straight men are) there are a small number of us women out there who get all hot and bothered thinking about it (or, better yet, seeing it).

Unfortunately, we’re not a vocal minority because while acceptance of experimental lesbianism in concept and practice has skyrocketed and, I would argue, become nearly commonplace among young people (as evidenced by everything from mainstream movies, music videos, and, of course, porn), the opposite is surely not true. There will probably never be a day when I see casual gay encounters between straight guys accepted as a normal human sexual activity. :(

There certainly isn’t widespread acceptance for -- or even acknowledgment of -- women being aroused by seeing two men together. Will there ever be? Probably not. There probably just aren't enough women out there like me and my best friend to force this issue into our culture's sexual panorama, but I’m not going to gripe about it too much. It’s not possible or important that all people accept my specific sexual indulgences but I would like to raise awareness because, like I said, this sexual fetish does exist yet if I mention it to someone he or she looks at me like I kill babies with chainsaws. I mean, come on. Is it really that bad? And if you answered yes to that question then you’d damn well better have a problem with straight guys who like lesbian sex too. Fair is fair. Fuck double standards.

P.S.: If you think I'm urging people see Brokeback Mountain and read the short story because of my sexual fetish thingy, you're wrong! The story's not even very sexual and it's truly an amazing work of literature and fantastic cinema. No agenda on my part, honestly. Although I did love seeing straight heartthrobs Ledger and Gyllenhaal kiss. (Hey, I'm only human.)