I'm Not A Feminist

It happened again today. I was sitting with two other female coworkers at work when one of them overheard a male friend of ours make a statement to another person. I didn't hear the comment but she said to him, jovially, "Hey! Watch what you say, there are three feminists sitting here."

I can't tell you how many people assume I'm a feminist. It's ridiculous. I'm not a feminist just because I have female sex organs, am a flaming liberal in 99% of my social and political beliefs, have spent the past 10 years pursuing a liberal higher education, and can be ballsy if I need to be.

I don't even know what the words "feminist" or "feminism" really mean so I'll be damned if I'm going to define myself by them. In order for me to call myself a feminist I'd have to have a particular definition in mind, yet this is complicated by two things: 1) I've never been able to come up with a definition with which I'm satisfied, and 2) even if I were to come up with a personal definition no one else would know it unless I took a few minutes to explain it every time I talked with someone about it (like a verbal footnote). I couldn't assume my definition would be everyone else's definition, that would be ridiculous.

This leads to me to the very crux of the issue: a word can have so many meanings as to render it completely meaningless. "Feminist" and "feminism" are two of those words. If feminists are cutthroat businesswomen and domestic divas, pixie girls and butches, monogamous and promiscuous, angry and kind, sexually liberated and anti-pornography, vocal and nonvocal, vote and not vote, hate men and love men, how the hell am I supposed to pin something down?

Self-labeled feminists in sex industries can make perfectly valid arguments for how their jobs as strippers or legal prostitutes have allowed them to become entrepreneurs, to work for themselves in lucrative careers, support themselves and their families, and remain in complete control over their own bodies and over men in an Amazon warrior, no-doormat-here kind of a way. They can successfully argue that pornography and other sex-related work isn't degrading or damaging to women in the least. In fact, many claim the complete opposite: that it empowers women.

Then, of course, you get those on the other extreme who cringe at the very thought that someone cold possibly believe pornography does anything but exploit and diminish women. This camp also has a very valid point.

How can two totally different and valid views be feminist? Well, because, you say, feminism holds that women are a heterogeneous group of people who have the intelligences, abilities, and rights to decide how to live their lives as they see fit. You say, feminism is an umbrella term intended to recognize all types of women and femininity in every shade of the spectrum.

Okay! That's my point exactly! The word applies to anything and everything under the sun, which is exactly why it means nothing. How can a person say, "I'm a feminist" and expect you to know what that means?

I say fuck the whole thing. I AM NOT A FEMINIST. I don't like the weight the word carries, I don't like a lot of the history it carries, I don't like how easily misdefined it is, I don't like the assumptions/stereotypes people have about it. I think the whole thing is hogwash.

And, to feminists who jump on me for saying I'm not a feminist (and I have run into a few), isn't part of being one acknowledging that other women can define themselves as they see fit? I thought so.

Yet Again, My State ROCKS!!!

"Washington [State] will no longer allow discrimination against gays and lesbians in employment, housing or lending, thanks to landmark legislation passed Friday after nearly three decades of debate.

The bill expands the Washington Civil Rights Act, which protects minorities from discrimination based on race, religion, gender and disabilities.

Gov. Christine Gregoire said she plans to sign the bill next week. Washington will join 16 other states to outlaw discrimination based on sexual orientation when she does, according to the National Gay and Lesbian Task force. It will be the seventh state to extend such protections to transgender people, the group said.

'I am humbled that I am the one given the honor to sign the bill,' she said. 'It took the tenacity of many people to make this day possible.'"

WOO HOOOOOO!

Brokeback Leads With 8 Oscar Nominations

"Oscar came to the mountain Wedsday morning, with director Ang Lee's Brokeback Mountain leading this year's list of Academy Award contenders, with eight nominations, including those for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor Heath Ledger and supporting players Jack Gyllenhaal and Michelle Williams.

Brokeback Mountain – a critical and, surprisingly given its storyline about two cowboys' love for one another, a commercial hit – has already claimed separate top prizes from the Producers and Directors Guilds, which strongly portend Oscar victories.

The 78th annual Academy Awards will be broadcast live on ABC from Hollywood's Kodak Theatre on Sunday, March 5th."

Homegoing: King 1927-2006

"Aside from facing the challenges of being a single mother with four children [after the death of her husband], Mrs. King made hundreds of speeches, led marches, raised funds and met with human rights and political leaders around the world. She orchestrated a 15-year effort that culminated in 1983, when President Reagan signed a bill creating a national holiday in her husband's memory. She joined the battle to end apartheid, lobbying hard for U.S. sanctions against South Africa. And, not confining herself to racial issues, she campaigned actively to defend gay rights."

I'm not Christian, but since Mrs. King was, I feel this quote is appropriate:

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.

WTF?

No award for Brokeback Mountain from the Screen Actors Guild? That's bullshit, man. Bullshit.

"Director Ang Lee's gay cowboy romance Brokeback Mountain went into the awards as the odds-on favorite, having swept other major awards in the run-up to the March 5th Academy Awards."

"Gibson Ashamed of Gay Kiss in Cheap Movie"

Hollywood star Mel Gibson is ashamed of his first ever onscreen kiss - because it was with another man in a cheap movie.

The Braveheart hunk made Summer City, his first feature film, during his graduation year at Australia's National Institute of Dramatic Art.

But he complains he never received the $450 (GBP250) he was promised for performing the embarrassing movie scene with Australian Steve Bisley.

Gibson says, "It was a cheap, nasty movie that was cranked out in three weeks on a tiny budget." - www.contactmusic.com

HAHAHAHAHA!

The Foo

I love the In Your Honour album and I love the Foo Fighters.

Anyone Else Find This A Bit Morbid?

"Taste the species native to North Dakota: pheasant, venison, duck, goose, grouse or partridge..." - Bismarck, ND visitor's information web site

I know people eat meat so that's not the issue with the sentence, it's just weird phrasing! Usually people tour areas to see animals, not taste them (safaris, zoos, nature preserves, wildlife refuges, etc.).

To the city's credit, it does also post information for the local zoo. I'm assuming it's all looking and no tasting there.

The Oprah Winfrey Show - January 27, 2006

Today on Oprah: The cast of Brokeback Mountain

"A passionate affair. Two gorgeous men secretly in love. It's the movie everyone is buzzing about. Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, plus, co-stars Anne Hathaway and Heath's real-life love, Michelle Williams."

Woo hoo!

Is anyone out there?

Senator Santorum on Sex & the Right to Privacy (or the lack thereof)

"In an April 2003 interview with the Associated Press Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) stated he believed consenting adults do not have a Constitutional right to privacy with respect to sexual acts."

Faaantastic.

Bigamy, Trigamy, Polygamy (Polygyny, Polyandry), Polyamory...

I see absolutely no valid reason for state and federal governments not to legally allow and acknowledge bigamy and polygamy.

This is interesting, though:

There are still states that do not have specific laws defining marriage or outlawing polygamy. In fact, the laws usually defeat themselves. In Utah, law makes polygamy a crime but often polygamy convictions have been thrown out by the courts. The law defines polygamy as someone being married to more than one spouse. But, no one's second marriage is legal if he or she is still married to a first spouse. The law will not reconize a second marriage as valid unless the first marriage is annulled, there's been a divorce, or a death. So, even if someone married a second person by claiming to be single, that marriage would automatically be null and void in the eyes of the law, and being legally married to only one spouse, that person can't be guilty of polygamy. Got it?

In a very real sense, polygamy doesn't legally exist, which is why it's so rarely prosecuted, even in Utah where there are many prosecutors eager to throw polygamists in jail. When it is prosecuted, people are usually charged with something other than actual polygamy.

The answer to legality/illegality seems to be that in many states, polygamy is not illegal, at least not a crime. This "legality" is often based on case law where statutes exist making polygamy a crime. The important question, however, is whether polygamous marriage is accepted legally as being equal to traditional marriage.
Constitutional guarantees of personal freedoms, religious freedoms, equal treatment under the law, and the legal contradictions and impossibilities in anti-polygamy laws, combine to make it nearly impossible to actually "outlaw" polygamy in any meaningful way.

Raccoon Freak Out

I love these photos. Some guy had a noisy raccoon living in his chimney for a while. One night he and his friends decided to get it out once and for all (Operation Raccoon Bye-Bye). So, they put him in a big plastic container to let him go in the woods.

In the car the one dude opened the container and the raccoon FREAKED out! God, I love it.

"Why wouldn't they watch it? Straight men fall in love."

AP: Do you think straight men will watch [Brokeback Mountain]?

Annie Proulx: They are watching this movie. Of course, why wouldn't they watch it? Straight men fall in love. Not necessarily with each other or with a gay man. My son-in-law, who prides himself on being a Bud-drinking, NRA-member redneck, liked the movie so much he went to it twice. Straight men are seeing it and they're not having any problem with it. The only people who would have problems with it are people who are very insecure about themselves and their own sexuality and who would be putting up a defense, and that's usually young men who haven't figured things out yet. Jack and Ennis would probably have trouble with this movie.

Food For Thought

"Is it altogether a utopian dream, that once in history a ruling class might be willing to make the great surrender, and permit social change to come about without hatred, turmoil and waste of human life?" - Upton Sinclair

Sure Enough

Hey, Anti-Choicers:

I'll be the only person deciding whether or not I'll have children. You mind your own damn business.

Pro-choice because it's MY choice.

Christianly Love

"A Marblehead soldier who was killed in Afghanistan is scheduled to be laid to rest Monday, but a church group from Kansas is expected to try to disrupt the services and police are on alert for any problems.

NewsCenter 5's Gail Huff reported that Staff Sgt. Christoper Piper, 43, served in both Afghanistan and Iraq and was awarded a bronze star for his combat service. The Green Beret died when his convoy was bombed June 3 in Afghanistan and a right-wing Protestant Christian church group from Topeka, Kansas is planning to demonstrate at Piper's funeral services at the Old North Church. They claim U.S. soldiers like Piper are dying because the country is being punished for its tolerance of what they see as immoral behavior, such as homosexuality." - The Huffington Post

And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you. -- Thessalonians 3:12

Let brotherly love continue. -- Hebrews 13:1

Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. -- Proverbs 10:12

And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. --John 3:23

These things I command you, that ye love one another. -- John 15:17

For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself -- Galatians 5:14

He that loveth not, knoweth not God; for God is love. -- John 4:8

Today's Food For Thought

I love political art. Below are a few of my favorites.






































This and the next two pictures are from artist Micah Ian Wright's book You Back The Attack! We'll Bomb Who We Want!, war propaganda remixed. An excellent book.






























































It's all about oil, folks.

Ryan Gosling

If you like films about rural places and have the patience to sit through slow-paced dramas, you should check out The Slaughter Rule.

I saw a movie called The Believer (also a good flick) a few years ago and was super impressed by the lead Ryan Gosling. I started looking around for other movies he'd done and found The Slaughter Rule, which I like a lot. Veteran actor David Morse is also in it.

You may recognize Gosling from The United States of Leland, The Notebook, and from smaller roles in Remember the Titans and Murder By Numbers. He's an intriguing young actor.

The Slaughter Rule is about a mentor-mentee relationship between a teen and his football coach, which is based somewhat on the directors' (who are brothers) teen experience. Here's what the directors have to say about the film:

Back in high school, in rural Montana, we played on a "Men’s League" team for an odd, lonely coach who had a shaky reputation in town -- our classmates warned us that he was renowned for doing "cup checks" on his players. Though he never once displayed any questionable behavior, we were influenced enough by mere rumor to quit the team. We never really attempted to know this man; we were wary of his friendship. Our contact with him was fleeting -- but haunting.

Later in life, we both felt ashamed of our readiness to believe the worst about this man, a man who was going out of his way to help kids out, and who suffered at their (our) callous & callow reactions. The character of ‘Gid,’ in our film, is that man, given the benefit of the doubt. And ‘Roy’ is a child braver than we were, one willing to allow Gid to get close enough to him to matter. To trust. To understand, possibly to love -- and as is often the result of love-- to harm.
- Alex and Andrew Smith, directors

A dreary Montana winter teaches teenager Roy (Ryan Gosling) how to be a man. First, he loses his father, a possible suicide; then he's cut from his high school football team. So when Gid (David Morse), a pariah in his own hometown, suggests that Roy play for his six-man team, Roy has nothing to lose -- or so he thinks. But all too soon, Roy is overwhelmed by his love for an older woman (Clea Duvall) and pressure from the brusque-but-paternal Gid.

This is the story of Danny Balint (Ryan Gosling), a young Jewish man from New York City struggling with the conflict between his beliefs and his heritage. Balint eventually joins a neo-Nazi organization, rising up the ranks to become a leader in the white supremacy movement. The Believer is a psychological examination into the forces of intolerance, both on the individual and society as a whole.


Teenager Leland Fitzgerald (Ryan Gosling) appears to have everything going for him, including a famous writer father (Kevin Spacey). So, what drove him to kill? It's up to Pearl Madison (Don Cheadle), a teacher who works with inmates, to discover the anger, frustration and fear lurking beneath Leland's otherwise unruffled surface. Before long, Pearl helps Leland discover the truth about the painful past that led him to his excruciating present.


Based on a Nicholas Sparks novel, this drama chronicles an enduring love that withstands both war and disease. It begins in a nursing home, where a man (James Garner) arrives every day armed with a notebook from which he reads stories about a couple, Noah and Allie (played by Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams), to an unresponsive woman (Gena Rowlands). Who are the characters in the book, and why does the stranger insist on reading about them aloud?

Come On People, Think Things Through

Okay, what's going on with celebrities and babies right now? Do people not remember how to use contraception? Why are they having kids on a whim? Why so fast? Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise... one minute they just started dating, the next she's having a baby. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt... one minute they just started dating, the next she's having a baby. Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger... one minute they just started dating, the next she's having a baby. No sooner do these people meet each other than the women get pregnant.

I wouldn't put it past Cruise/Holmes and Pitt/Jolie to have planned the pregnancies, or if not planned them then at least not tried to prevent them and let the chips fall where they may. They all seem to have over-romanticized ideas of what having children and family means.


I'm surprised, though, by Ledger/Williams, so I think that was just a plain old "accident."

Having kids with people you're dating: not cool. I guess to some (all?) of their defenses, there are marriage plans in the works, but it's still not cool to start having babies a few months into a relationship.

Do Not Be Discouraged!

You know, sometimes when I get down about all the bigoted, discriminatory, vile, and violent things people do to one another I remember these words from Martin Luther King, Jr.:

"The arch of history is long, but it bends towards justice."

I get discouraged when I learn about conservative groups in this country (and in others) -- most notably religious fundamentalists in many religions -- successfully squashing the rights of others. It freaks me out that these close-minded people make so much headway in legally depriving citizens of what I see as fundamental rights that should apply to all.

MLK, Jr.'s words are especially powerful to me because I believe them. Our country has always been inconsistent in extending and protecting the rights of its people, and if one follows the history of rights in this country year by year or decade by decade it can look pretty depressing.

However, if one looks at the country's history as a whole -- or even world history as a whole -- we see what King meant. The human experience on the broadest level really does bend toward justice. Societies are more accepting now than they've ever been, even when one takes into account our setbacks. It's true that nonwhites all over the world have more rights, that women and children have more rights, that homosexual and transgendered people have more rights, that the poor, ill, and disabled have more rights. On and on.

I'm not the kind of historian who encourages others to look at history as a linear path on which human progress will march indefinitely (that's called the Whiggish view of history -- the concept of ever-increasing progress from one generation to the next). In this case, however, it does seem that human societies are moving in a unilateral direction toward acceptance of diversity in all its forms.

It's refreshing to think that even though conservatives are having a heyday right now banning gay marriage, suffocating reproductive rights, eliminating immigrant rights, and supporting the Bush administration's trampling of our Constitution that in the end -- maybe a few years from now, maybe a few centuries from now -- they will not prevail. It's a matter of winning the battles but losing the war.

History has played this out time and time again and the long-term victors are never those who hate and discriminate. The lasting victors are those who adopt accepting frames of mind. The real victors are those who make it their duty to protect people who cannot protect themselves, and who champion the rights of all human beings simply because we are all human beings.

Legal and social justice are, in fact, winning over humanity, and I'm glad for it.

Packages Aren't Just In Mail Trucks

I'll let you in on a secret... just between you and me.

I'm a crotch-watcher. A pecker checker.

I look at men's crotches to see if I can see anything in their pants. Yep.

I don't do it habitually. In fact, I don't even do it very often, but often enough to label myself a crotch-watcher just because other women don't seem to do it.

I don't even really know what I'm looking for. I guess it's just nice to see a bulge in a guy's pants, made all the more intriguing by the fact that I hardly ever see any bulges -- it's a rare find, and who doesn't want to discover a rare find? Men's pants styles have been relaxed fit for so long that I can't see a damn thing most of the time. Young guys are the worst because often they go beyond relaxed fit into just plain baggy. No hope of seeing anything there.

Once in a while I'll see a nice package and that's all it is, nothing more, nothing less. It's just nice to see. I guess I just like to speculate what size a guy is based on his package, even though I know bulge size doesn't accurately reflect the dick size, and even though I don't get the opportunity to find out if my estimates are correct or incorrect.

Man, this whole post makes me sound so fuckin' creepy, but I assure you, I'm not looking in a predatory way. It's more of a pondering way. I'm just curious to see what I can see. I've been caught looking a couple times (by the guys I was checking out) but I played it off confidently. It was pretty funny. My best friend likes to rib me about it every once in a while, and I guess I deserve that.

Washington State's Top Three Politicians are Women

State's Top Power Trio Sets Mark for Women: They May Be Vanguard of New Era in U.S. Politics

"The rise of Gov. Christine Gregoire and U.S. Sens. Patty Murray and Maria Cantwell has broken another lock on a political system that remains disproportionately controlled by men.

This year marked the first time in American history that women occupied the three most powerful elected offices of a single state, both U.S. Senate seats and the governor's office." -Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Yet another reason why I love my state.

Democratic governor Christine Gregoire (center) joins hands with Washington's Democratic Senators Maria Cantwell (left) and Patty Murray (right) during an election party.

Long Live the ACLU

"The ACLU and a coalition of organizations and individuals are suing the National Security Agency to stop the warrantless spying on Americans authorized by President Bush."

Take that muthafuckas.

:D

I love you all.

Today's Words of Wisdom

"The state can't give you free speech, and the state can't take it away. You're born with it, like your eyes, like your ears. Freedom is something you assume, then you wait for someone to try to take it away. The degree to which you resist is the degree to which you are free...." -Utah Phillips

"To supress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of the hearer as well as those of the speaker." -Frederick Douglass, “A Plea for Free Speech in Boston,” December 4, 1860

Homeless Bashing

You know, it's rare that I get angry enough to be vengeful. I don't believe in an eye for an eye under any circumstance in practice... but in thought is another matter.

Most recent case in point: those three sons of bitches who went on a "beating spree" last Thursday (January 12th) brutally assaulting two homeless men with baseball bats and killing a third. I'm not fond of "big brother" security cameras scanning every inch of public space, but in this case I was so glad those motherfuckers were caught on tape attacking one of those men. The tape led to their arrests.

I was so fumed when I saw the video of the beating on the news that I wanted each of those teens to live through a bat attack and experience the pain and fright they inflicted on others. I wanted them to suffer through the most agonizing pain.

What kind of human beings do that shit? The homeless dude on the tape was totally defenseless, outnumbered, and I can only imagine how scared. One minute he's sleeping on a bench, the next he's literally fighting for his life.

My cooler head has prevailed since I first saw the tape and I'll now reasonably settle for seeing the three suspects spend their entire lives in prison if convicted of these crimes, as I'm sure they will be.

"Hooks and Daugherty face murder charges in the death of Norris Gaynor, 45, and aggravated battery charges in the videotaped beating of Jacques Pierre, 58. They are also suspects in the beating of Raymond Perez, 49. All occurred early Thursday."

"A third suspect is scheduled to appear in Broward County court today for his alleged role in the beating of homeless men. Eighteen-year-old William Ammons is charged with aggravated battery causing bodily harm or disability."


"Man's destructive hand spares nothing that lives; he kills to feed himself, he kills to clothe himself, he kills to adorn himself, he kills to attack, he kills to defend himself, he kills to instruct himself, he kills to amuse himself, he kills for the sake of killing." -Josef de Maistre

Brokeback Mountain Earns Gold -- The 2006 Golden Globe Awards

Best Motion Picture Drama
Best Director: Ang Lee
Best Screenplay: Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana
Best Original Song: "A Love That Will Never Grow Old"

Today's Food for Thought

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember it or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln; First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1861

"One of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our fathers used in the great struggle for Independence." -Charles A. Beard

“A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote in a national election." -Bill Vaughan

"Farrell's Nude Scene Axed"

You know, this is very old news but I'm still pissed about it:

A nude scene featuring Colin Farrell has been cut from upcoming movie A Home At The End Of The World because the actor is "too well hung", The Sun reports today.

Apparently the naked scenes featuring the Irish bad boy caused such a stir amongst test audiences that the director decided to leave them out of the film altogether.

A source told the tabloid: "All you could hear were gasps when Colin appeared in his full-frontal pose. The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable. It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of it."

A blatant goddamned double standard if I ever heard one. Women were "overexcited"? Men "looked really uncomfortable"? WHO CARES? You think women are never uncomfortable seeing female actresses fully nude or in explicit sex scenes, and do you think men don't get overexcited by those scenes?

I’ve never once heard or read about a director concerned that female nudity in his or her movies would make female audience members uncomfortable. It’s a non-issue when it comes to women, but God forbid we make straight dudes uncomfortable. ::eye roll::

And so what if the penis distracts from the plot a little; people will get over it. I’ve seen plenty of movies where something in a scene detracts from the plot for a second but I get over it and my mind gets back on track.

Now, back to the male discomfort in the test audience. WTF? For Christ's sake, if by the time you're a grown man you can't even see another man naked on a film screen for a few seconds you've got serious issues. These are the emotionally stunted people the director is pandering to? He's letting these weirdoes influence his editing decisions?

Why is it that movie audiences are content to watch scenes of violent domestic abuse, suffering war-torn communities, or two hours of blood-curdling guts and gore but when it comes to a nude male body (something everyone over a certain age has seen in one way or another) they freak out?

I wonder whether or not the director even considered that the audience gasps might have been a positive thing. What if viewers were simply surprised that a well-known actor had the guts to show his penis to the world. Hell, since showing wiener is apparently such a big deal you'd think the director and Farrell would be commended rather than censored.

Use Your Head

Been away for a while because I'm in Cincinnati for 10 ten days. Brought my laptop along, so here's my hotel rant of the day.

Those of you responding to some of my posts pondering how we should deal with international problems other than wage war need to be more imaginative. It's pretty pathetic to be this far along in human history yet still stuck in the stone age when it comes to things like this.

Why are we so willing to use all of humankind's best to do our worst -- funnel our most inventive scientists, harness our brightest strategists, pool our largest amount of financial resources, and send our most precious human resources to make war on others? We're ready at a moment's notice to do violence for some phony cause but when someone proposes peace everyone freezes, dumbfounded and befuddled. Why's nonviolence so difficult to grasp? And why are we so quick to assume nonviolence doesn't work when it works every day all around the world and when violence probably has a far worse track record for solving problems.

You sorry sods who can't think of any way to handle world problems other than brute force and war are brain-dead. If that's as imaginative as you can get I suggest keeping your mouths shut. It's actually an insult to human intelligence to imply we can do no better than resort to using our bodies to destroy ourselves rather than our minds to uplift ourselves.

“The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.” -David Friedman

At a Snail's Pace

Do any of you out there ever feel like you're lagging behind your peers in life? So many of my friends have big-time careers or are married or are... (gulp)... having babies and I have none of that (by my choice).

With each passing year I feel more infantalized as my friends become real adults and I'm still living like a teen. Can any of you relate? How do you stop feeling bad about it?

I'm not even the kind of person who believes a good job and domestic bliss make life worth living so I don't know why these feelings come up. I don't know why I sometimes see not having a bigwig career and not being in a serious long-term relationship or unmarried without children as a bad thing. I love my freedom. I like that I don't have to worry about anyone else or take care of anyone else, but just once in a while I feel like people are going to think there's something wrong with me for not getting married and trying to achieve domesticity. But it's not even anyone's business so I don't know why I care! I'm doing responsible things: I'm earning advanced degrees, I work, I'm involved in my community, I have friends and family.

Perhaps the ideals of marriage and family are so culturally instilled that despite the fact that I rarely think about having them -- and 90% of the time don't even want them -- it's inevitable that they creep into my conscience once in a while and make me wonder if I should be striving toward them, or that I'm a failure in some way for not having them.

Bah, I don't think this friggin' post even makes sense. I annoy myself.

To Those Who Support Dubya's Spying:

“They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” -Benjamin Franklin

Scholastic Brainstorming

I have a bachelor's degree in History and am currently earning a master's degree in Public History. My interest has always been modern U.S. history, particularly with regard to minority, immigrant, and other shafted groups (like gays and lesbians). My master's thesis is about post WWII (1950s and 1960s) housing for African Americans in my city (no scholar has studied Black life in my community so I'm excited to break some new ground).

So, the master's thing is going fine and this fall I'd like to begin a doctoral program but I haven't yet chosen what program. I'm teetering between Public History and American Studies with a history concentration. Lately, I've been leaning much more toward American Studies because I'm fascinated with our shitty and wonderful culture. I'm already a cultural critic so why not make it official?

I even have an idea about what to study if I do the Ph.D. in Am Stud. For years I've been preoccupied with how people in rural communities relate to outsiders (particularly African Americans and gays and lesbians) so I'd love to delve into rural racism or homophobia (I'm leaning toward the latter). (This explains my obsession with Brokeback Mountain, right?) There's something about this kind of xenophobia that intrigues me.

I'd like to travel to small communities and conduct interviews (oral history is another love of mine), do some place studies, and case studies. I wouldn't do anything related to Matthew Shepard because his community, death and the circumstances around it have been studied a lot and masters' theses and doctoral dissertations are supposed to add original scholarship to a field of study. However, the scholarship that emerged after his death is an example of the kind of thing I can do.

I'd have to find some interesting angles on rural homophobia (or racism, if I choose to go that route). I think I could do it. I've never lived in a rural area but the eastern side of the state is rural and if I can pinpoint a case study somewhere then I can spin it into a dissertation. I'm stoked thinking about it.

Ghetto Fabulous

I love Pam Grier in her new and debut roles. Yes, there are those who criticize the blaxploitation genre but I happen to like it. It's damn good entertainment.

Nice

"Amateur Night at the Apollo" is some good television.